For Her
by Ellaurora
Summary: I felt the numbness creep over me; the pain was able to be bore now. My black eyes were fixed on the green that had haunted me since that last day I could call her my friend.Now, I felt at last, peace. She was gone, but ever since that...continued inside!
1. Preface

_*For Her*_

_Summary: I felt the numbness creep over me; the pain was able to be bore now. My black eyes were fixed on the green that had haunted me since that last day I could call her my friend. Now, I felt at last, peace. She was gone, but ever since that disgraceful day, I lived to do everything in her memory. The love she had for me and the love I felt helped shape the man named Severus Snape. It was the end for me, but my love for her was eternal, and now my only hopes were maybe I would see her again up there, if I deserved it, and she would forgive me for all that I had done. Maybe she would understand that everything I did in life was to honor her memory because I loved her, always._

_**NOTE: **Sorry for the really crappy summary. I didn't know what to write for it without it sounding like complete rubbish, so yeah, just read this and it will explain things better. So this is my first Harry Potter fanfic, usually I do Twilight, but I always wanted to do HP but I always felt it was hard to do. But, this is me making an attempt. As most of you, I love the whole Lily/Snape relationship, but as much as I love it and balled through it, I don't wish they were married or ended up together, because then we wouldnt have Harry. My story is following very closely with the books and will detail Lily/Snape relationship through Snape's eyes. I am going to make it go more into depth with everything Snape felt for Lily starting with when they were younger to becoming a Death Eater to turning over to the good side and helping Dumbledore up until his very end. I always wanted JKR to go more into depth about their relationship and show everything that happened in between, and here is my fanfic doing it! So yeah, as the title suggests, it's going to emphasize how throughout everything, Snape never stopped loving Lily and how he strived to do everything in life for her. _

~Preface~

The whole castle was quiet; only the echoes of the door slamming shut just a few seconds ago sounded through me. I stood facing the giant picture of the fat lady, staring at the door which she had just walked through, the portal that marked her leaving my life forever.

_She's gone_, I thought to myself. She had become too fed up with me, crossing the line one too many times. I suppose I had used up all of my chances. I lost my best friend for good.

I continued staring at the closed door, feeling a lump come to my throat. I wondered if she felt the same thing; maybe she was standing on the other side of the door, just staring, feeling the urge of tears come.

_Who am I kidding?_ I thought. I had really done it this time. It was all my fault. I had said the unforgiveable word- Mudblood. If it wasn't for my humiliation thanks to Potter and Black, I would never have dared to say that!

_But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different? _Her last words echoed through my head_._ She was right. I was becoming just like my whole house. I was becoming the selfish, lying, hypocrite they all were. I didn't deserve a friend as kind and gentle as her. I knew better than to try and make it up to her. She was already set in her beliefs about me. I had pushed the limit. We had drifted apart for too long, and now, it was over.

I couldn't choke them back any longer; my tears began to fall. Realization finally hit me and I knew that Lily was no longer crying those same tears for me. I finally turned away from the door, using all of the strength I could muster.

I shuffled down the stairs from Gryffindor tower, my steps becoming heavier with each one. My tears started to become relentless sobs and I lost all of my focus, causing me to trip and fall on the last stair from the tower. I rolled over on my hands and knees and sat up against the marble staircase. I let the pain wash through me. I wanted to face it sooner rather than later.

I started gasping for air, trying to regain all focus before someone came and spotted me. A sear of pain wretched its' way through my heart, and I clutched my hand over my chest. After all of my years, the one person I loved most was gone and took a piece of my heart with her. After all my years of thinking she was the one person I would be with forever, in an instant, she was gone. My worst fear had come true; Lily Evans was gone from my life forever.

Over the course of my life, I had become just what she had warned me of. I became one of the most vile and dangerous creatures she was repulsed by. I became a Death Eater and supported the Dark Lord. All along, I knew how disgusting and horrible the Dark Lord and our group supporting him were, but in the beginning, I hardly turned away from them. It was where I fit in and where I was accepted. After all, what in my life did I have to lose? Without Lily's love, nothing else seemed to matter to me.

I still loved Lily to the very end of my life. Every morning I would wake up and feel the longing for her in my heart. I missed the girl with flaming red hair whose smile would light up even my darkest hours. Since the day I met her at only 9 years old, the compassion she always gave me and the love I always felt for her, helped shape me. I never stopped loving her and that love made me realize the evil of my ways and become what I am. She was the object of my heart in which I would die for, but in actuality, became what I lived for because up until the very end, everything I did in life was for her.

**Thanks for reading! Review Please! :)**


	2. Innocence

**Note: This story is obviously going to overlap with parts of "The Prince's Tale" in _Deathy Hallows _as well as possibly other scenes from the_ Harry Potter_ books, but I'm not going to put those parts in this since we all already know them, but I will be making reference to them a lot! So yeah, maybe I'll put a little footnote in with the scene from "The Prince's Tale" just to jog your memories. For example, this chapter will deal with Snape and Lily as children and the part when Snape first introduces himself to Lily. So yeah, hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!**

~Ch. 1~

Sometimes, I still wish I was that little nine year old boy; a time in my life when everything was so simple, so precious, so pure. It was a time when nothing seemed wrong or harmful in the world; that even people who do the wrong things would recognize the evil of their ways. It was a time when a loyal friendship seemed as if it could survive through anything. Back when I was a child of nine years of age, I believed that undying love and friendship would last forever.

Although my childhood wasn't the happiest it could have been had I had a better upbringing, I was never one to dwell on it or complain about it. I knew that sooner or later, I would be away from my parents living in a Muggle world, and make my escape to the full wizarding world, the place where I belonged.

My parents were rarely ever in happy company with each other. I didn't think I ever saw my mother crack a smile towards my father and rarely towards me. I knew my mother loved me, but I was never quite sure about my father, as he seemed more apt to engaging in screaming matches than fatherly hugs and kisses. As a result, I was often neglected as a child.

We lived in the last house on Spinner's End, a Muggle street that gave off an air of dark misery and depression, with the dreary looking identical houses all lined up in a row and gray cobblestone lining the street between them. I had no idea why my parents chose this dwelling. I would have thought my mother would have wanted to be closer to other wizards, but seeing as my father was a Muggle, it seemed likely that he would have put up a great fight if my mother was even as close to suggesting it. It was hard to believe that they had once had some desire to marry one another. My father, Tobias Snape, was a domineering, aggressive man, while my mother, Eileen, was nothing but a sallow-faced, dull woman. Maybe my father married her because he enjoyed the fact that mother was nothing but a push-over and would do anything he demanded while my mother was deluded into thinking that what he felt for her was some form of love, something that nobody else had ever felt for her.

Neither of my parents seemed the parental type and I thought it safe to assume that I was the "accident child." I highly doubted that my father ever wanted to have a child and planned it. My father always seemed disappointed in me though. The few words he ever said to me were just those that were critical and meant to insult and enrage me. Perhaps this is where I developed my habit of perpetual sneering and snide comments in my later years. He would often ridicule me because of the fact that I was a rather scrawny and sickly looking boy. I had inherited my mother's looks rather than my father's. While my mother had a long sallow face and thin body, my father was burly and had muscles that would probably snap my mother's neck like a twig. I think my father was also disappointed in me because, since I was around 7, they both knew that I inherited the wizard gene. This was also added to the list of cruel harassment when he continually said how sorry he was that he had reproduced an oddity; someone who would be looked on as a freak in the world and would amount to nothing.

I grew up in a house with two parents who fought constantly; my father always ready to take another dig at my mother or me. He never got too physical, but I was well aware that he was capable of it. He would grab and shake my mother as he was yelling at her, but he never laid a hand on me. I think my mother threatened him with her wand. She was a wizard after all, but she rarely ever used magic. She seemed as if she wanted to be Muggle like him. As a child, I tried to ignore their bickering as much as possible, retreating to the safety of my bedroom upstairs, locking the door and sitting in the corner, talking to myself. It was where I felt the safest, but also the loneliest.

I never had any siblings or friends growing up. I didn't attend the Muggle school. My mother would use the excuse that I was being homeschooled. I learned to read from a very early age, what else did I need to know? I doubt that even if I attended the Muggle school, would I have had any friends anyways. I spent my days wandering the streets near my home and hanging around at the park where I saw plenty of children my age, but none of them were even the least bit friendly to me. They would only snicker and laugh as I walked past. Pretty soon, I was probably one of the laughing stocks amongst children in my town; the homeschooled boy dressed in nothing but his mum's old clothes with the nose of Pinocchio.

In order to avoid humiliation from the other children, I stopped going to the large park in the center of town and retreated to a quieter little playground that was farther away from my home, but in a quieter neighborhood that was almost always deserted. Hardly anybody ever went to the tiny little playground and I would find myself sitting under the shade of all the bushes and trees, looking up at the sky, daydreaming of when I would finally be able to escape all of the Muggles and go off to Hogwarts.

It was hidden in the shade of the bushes in the tiny deserted playground that I first saw Lily. I was distracted thinking of what I could do when I finally got my own wand that I didn't hear the giggles and screams of two girls running onto the playground. I froze in my spot underneath the shelter of the bushes and listened to their screams of joy and laughter.

"Tuney, come on, let's go on the slide!" called one of the girls, her voice sweet and gentle, but full of brightness and life.

"But I wanna go on the swings!" retorted the other girl in a squeaky, birdlike voice. Her voice didn't contain the same sweetness and happiness as the other girl.

"But Tuney, we always go on the swings. The slide is more fun!"

"No!" replied Tuney, "I'll tell Mummy you were mean to me!"

I didn't know either of these girls well but already I was annoyed with the one called Tuney. Her voice and her defiant manner was one that would irritate anyone. I waited in the bushes, careful not to make any sound, and amused at the conversation between the two girls. I was ready for the sweeter girl to stand up to her annoying sister, but all I heard was a deep sigh and, "Alright, we'll go on the swings."

I was shocked at the girl's desire to cave into her sister's wishes. Was she trying to be the better person? I didn't hear anymore giggles coming from the sweet girl and I felt hatred bubble for her sister. How could she manipulate her sister like that? Surely if I had a sibling I would never do that. Curiosity was getting the better of me as I started to admire the sweet girl. I sat up quietly and looked over the bushes at the two girls on the swings. I knew right away which girl was which. The tall, skinny one, resembling a bird, wearing a smug smile as she swung back and forth in the air was obviously the one named Tuney. And the one with flaming red hair that framed her small, pale face was the sweeter girl. My eyes were glued to her as she swung, daring the swing to go higher. I watched the light dance through her bright green eyes and the small innocent smile that was set gently on her face. I wanted to get closer to this girl and learn more about her, even if she was a Muggle, but before I could make my way out of the bushes, Tuney had grabbed her sister's hand and said "C'mon Lily, we'll be late for dinner."

_Lily_; that was the only name I thought of over the next few weeks. I continued to go to the playground everyday and wait for the two girl's to come again, hoping that Lily would be alone so I could get up the courage to talk to her. Unfortunately, she was always stuck with her sister. They wouldn't come every day, but they would come often enough. I watched as the continued to swing on the swings every time they came and I watched as Lily would jump off her swing and fly gracefully through the air, landing as light as could be. It seemed as if she was also holding the same magical powers that I did, and events over the next few weeks proved me right.

I watched as she got angry at Petunia, who was standing defiantly in front of the swings, and laughed as Lily made it hit swing forward on its' own and hit Petunia from behind, causing her to fall flat on her face and wail like a baby. I watched as she lifted flowers into the air and caused butterflies and birds to fly right to her and land on her finger.

I was surer than ever that Lily was a wizard just like I was and I couldn't wait for the chance to introduce myself and tell her the truth. I started planning what I would say 3 weeks in advance so as I wouldn't make a fool out of myself. I practiced in the bushes as I thought about her and in my room in front of the mirror. I started combing my hair and showering more so I would look presentable and wore the best of all of my old, hand me down clothing. Finally, the day came when I would introduce myself and I felt the butterflies flying around in my stomach. I wanted Lily to like me just as much as I liked her. I wanted to practice magic and talk about the wizarding world with a girl who grew up with Muggles, but most of all, I wanted a friend.

Unfortunately, my plan had gone horribly wrong. When I had finally gotten up the nerve to emerge from the bushes, she thought of me as nothing more than a fool that insulted her intelligence and she walked away with her sister, clearly angry and affronted.

I was embarrassed beyond belief and I felt a wave of depression seep through me as I went everyday back to the playground to never see Lily or her horrid sister Petunia again. I sulked around thinking of how stupid I was to believe that someone would ever want to be my friend.

A week later, though, I sat on the swings in the playground, wallowing in my own misery. It was deserted as usual and my face was to the ground, watching my feet make patterns in the sand as I moved on the swing. It was dusk and I knew that I had to get going home soon, even though I would have much rather stayed on the swing set all night. It was quiet, but I didn't hear as the quiet footsteps approached me until they were only inches from mine in my field of view.

"Is it true?" asked the familiar sweet voice, holding nothing but gentleness and genuine curiosity.

I looked up and saw the face of Lily looking down on me. She wasn't smiling, but instead had a look of worry and nervousness on her face. The sun was setting behind her in the distance, casting and orange glow around her whole body, accenting the bright green eyes. Her appearance was enough to take my breath away and I felt butterflies creep back into my stomach again.

"Is what true?" I barely managed to choke out.

"What you said," she replied almost instantly, "Am I really…a…a…a witch?"

"Yes, you are," I muttered back quietly, afraid as to whether she would be insulted again, but there was no anger etched on her face, only peace. It seemed as if she had been debating my confessions to her for the whole week since my outburst had happened, and now felt satisfied with my answer.

"How…how do you know?" she stammered.

I hesitated for a moment, deliberating what to say and looked down to the ground again before answering. "I've been watching you for a while and you've been able to do things that people without magic can't. My mum's a witch and I'm a wizard, so I know the signs."

She didn't say anything as for a moment and I thought that she had walked away, but when I looked back up, she was sitting on the swing next to me, smiling innocently at me.

"I'm Lily Evans," she said, her voice friendly and full of happiness that was infectious. Her green eyes and bright smile made me want to smile too.

"I'm Severus Snape," I stammered back nervously, feeling redness swarm up to the surface of my cheeks.

"It's nice to meet you, Severus," she answered jubilantly, her smile growing brighter and warmer as the sun set and she swung higher and higher into the sky.

**~Please review and let me know what you think!~**


	3. The Thicket

~Ch. 2~

_When somebody loved me,_

_everything was beautiful._

_Every hour spent together,_

_lives within my heart..._

It was the beginning of spring, but a left over winter chill still made its' way through the air. I hugged my large coat tighter to my chest as I made my way down the sidewalk towards the playground, a path I could do blindfolded by now. The journey took at least 25 minutes from my house, but it never bothered me. It was an excuse to be away from my parents and their arguments when my father would come home from work.

At last, I made it to the tiny playground, and pushed open the gates. It was deserted as usual, but seeing as it was still early afternoon, most Muggle children were still in school. I walked along the bushes and trees lining the playground until I got to the edge where they opened up to reveal a large, open field. I crossed the field, feeling the warm sunlight pour down onto me, until I made it to the corner where a perfect thicket of trees and bushes stood. Six trees were lined in a semicircle, bushes filling in the spaces around them, the branches and leaves of the trees making a canopy to block out the sunlight. I took off my coat and put it in the shade underneath the canopy of trees and walked out into the field, laying down to let the warm sunshine soak into my pallid skin. I directed my gaze to the sidewalk that led to the playground, now a great distance away. I watched and waited for what felt like hours and finally, I saw a patch of red hair fly down the sidewalk as Lily rode her bike across the playground and the field, coming to our secret spot.

It had been almost a year ago that I had met Lily Evans, and over that time, we developed a strong friendship. Our connection to the magic world allowed us to have many similarities, and eventually, allowed us to trust one another and divulge our innermost secrets. The thicket became our secret spot. The bushes and trees made it well concealed from anyone in the playground, or in the field for that matter, but still allowed a great view of the playground and the sidewalk leading up to it so we could see if anyone was coming.

I stood up in the field as Lily made her way towards me on her bike and I felt my mouth twitch into a smile. Every day after school, we would meet each other in our secret spot where we would talk about life in the magical world.

When she finally reached the thicket, she put her bike down and slung her bag off her shoulder. "You won't believe all the homework Miss Pinch gave us today," she said coming to sit down on the grass next to me in the sun.

"What do you have now? More vocabulary sheets?" I replied, chuckling to myself.

"I wish," she exclaimed, obviously fed up with her teacher's boring Muggle lessons. "Now, I have to write a paper on Newton's Laws."

"Is that all that force rubbish I was reading in your book the other day?" I wondered. I always watched as Lily did her homework under the shade of the thicket and would often read some her school books while she worked, wondering why Muggles thought it was at all important to learn about any of it.

"Yes," she sighed, "You're so lucky you don't have to go to school." She sprawled out on the grass, closing her eyes to take in the sunshine. I simply just stared at her in amazement. It was still hard to believe that someone actually thought of me as a friend.

"Well, I will soon and so will you," I answered back, still studying her. She opened her eyes and looked up at me and I turned my head away hurriedly.

"Yes, but I'm sure Hogwarts will be a thousand times better than Muggle school," she answered, her tone becoming one of disgust as it curled around 'Muggle school'.

"Of course it will!" I cheered, "But don't think we still won't get homework."

She sat up again to face me and laughed, "I know, but at least it will be fun and interesting homework! I can't wait to study History of Magic, Potions, Transfiguration, and Defense Against the Evil Arts!"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts," I said through my chuckles. I was just as excited as she was to break out of the Muggle society we grew up in and finally interact with others like us, where we would fit in. I was only worried that Lily wouldn't fit in. She was a Muggle-born after all, and they weren't well accepted by many pureblood wizarding families. Lily was worried how people would react to her being Muggle-born, and so was I, but I didn't tell her that. I didn't want it to ruin our happiness of finally setting off for Hogwarts.

"Just think," I started to her, as she was now laughing with me, "We'll be setting off for Hogwarts this September!"

"I know!" she exclaimed. "Oh Sev, I can't wait to go!" I felt my face blush as she said my name. "Only two more months with that cranky Miss Pinch and then we'll have the whole summer before we go off to Hogwarts!" There was no disguising the excitement etched in every corner of her voice, but it slowly sank as she said, "There's only one thing I'm rather worried about though."

"What's that?" I asked desperately. I didn't want to see her scared or upset. I wanted to see her happy and bubbly again so as I could be happy too.

"I'm afraid of what my parents will say," she started, "I haven't told them, but I think they suspect something. I know you said someone from the school will come and explain it to them, but when will that happen? What if they don't come?"

"Of course they'll come," I said trying to reassure her, but also myself. What if I had gotten it wrong and Lily wasn't a witch after all? I didn't want to think about going off to Hogwarts by myself. I didn't want to go without her and leave her stuck in this boring town.

"But when?" she mumbled, a defeated look on her face that turned her smile upside down.

"The letters usually come at the beginning of August, so I guess that's when someone from the school will come to your house, to deliver the letter," I said, trying to make my tone sound convincing, but not all that sure it worked.

She simply nodded her head and muttered, "But what if they don't? What if I'm not a wizard after all?"

I wished that smile would come back onto her face. Lily wasn't meant to be a person who lived in grief and sadness. She was too pure and innocent for that. "Of course you are! And if they don't come, well, I'll…I'll…I'll smuggle you in inside my trunk!" She started laughing immediately, the smile coming back on her face, and I was just happy my desperate attempt to cheer her up worked. I wanted to make her happy just as she made me happy.

"Come on," she started, getting up from the ground, "I don't want to start this stupid essay. I can do it tonight when I get home. Let's just run around in the sun or something."

"Run around?" I questioned as I stood up next to her, "Why are we going to run around?"

"We can play hide-and-seek or tag! Or better yet, we can pretend we're flying on brooms and playing quadditch!" She was practically jumping up and down with excitement. She always had some idea to run around, but I was rather opposed to it, as I was not very athletic myself. But, I never argued against it; if it made her happy, then I wanted to play it too.

"It's quidditch," I said through my laughs, the color rushing to my face as I heard my own laugh.

"Oh whatever," she said back quickly and out of nowhere, she hit my shoulder with such force that I almost tumbled over backwards. But before I could say 'Hey, what was that for?' she was already running off and yelling, "Tag, you're it!"

I was reluctant to chase off after her. She always won; she was ten times faster than I would ever be. I watched as the red hair billowed in the wind behind her as she ran as fast as she could across the field, and before I knew it, I was jogging off after her.

After 10 minutes of nonstop chasing after her, our giggles and screams echoing through the open field, I finally tripped over a twig that brought me down on the ground. I rolled over on my back, closing my eyes as I furiously tried to catch my breath. I felt movements and heard panting where I lay and I opened my eyes to see Lily's face only inches away from me. She was squatting on the grass, trying to catch her breath as she leaned over me.

"Am I too fast for you, Sev?" she asked panting.

Still startled at our close proximity, the only coherent thing I was able to mumble was, "Yeah."

She laughed and then rolled over to lie across from me, our heads almost touching. We both looked up to the sky as the sun started to set. "Look how pretty it is," Lily mumbled pointing up, and I felt my pleasure and joy swell in my stomach as I lay laughing next to the first friend I ever had.

**~Review please & let me know what you think!~**


	4. Summer Nights

**Sorry this chapter's kind of long. I couldn't really seperate it. Thanks for reading! x**

~3~

_And when she was sad,_

_I was there to dry her tears._

_And when she was happy, so was I,_

_when she loved me. _

I got my letter for Hogwarts at the end of July, and to my relief, Lily got hers too. I woke up on a hot summer morning, a stifle in the humid air. I sat on the edge of my bed, wondering what to do with myself before I went to the playground later to meet Lily. It was a Sunday and her Sunday mornings were always spent at Church. I decided to head out to the playground early, wanting more than anything to avoid my parents. They had just had a row the night before about my mother's cooking. Apparently my father was becoming less and less satisfied with the quality of the food my mother serves us.

As I made my way to my bedroom door, I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye. I looked to my window and saw a big brown owl land on the window sill just outside. In its' mouth was a letter.

I dashed over to the window and flung it open as the brown owl hopped inside, perching on my desk in front of the window. I extracted the letter from the owl's mouth and quickly tore it open, the owl's bulging eyes still staring at me.

I felt my mouth turn into a smile when I saw the fancy print of 'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry' and read the letter to myself:

_Dear Mr. Severus Snape,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. _

_Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31. _

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall,_

_Deputy Headmistress_

I hurriedly grabbed a piece of parchment and wrote an acceptance letter, tying it to the leg of the owl. I watched as it sailed out the window, back to Hogwarts, back to my new home.

I couldn't wait to tell Lily, to make sure she got hers too. It was I had been waiting for for what felt like most of my life.

I flew out my bedroom door, my letter in hand, and bounded down the stairs, ignoring my father's yells of fury from his bedroom. He liked to sleep in late on weekends. I was almost to the front door when I heard the soft voice of my mother behind me.

"Severus," she murmured soft, but rather cold. There was never any emotion in her voice.

"Yeah," I said turning around to face her.

"Do you…do you want something to eat before you leave?" she asked, her tone still indifferent.

"No, I'm okay," I muttered. I saw her eyeing the parchment in hand and I mumbled quickly, "I got my letter."

Her face seemed to light up a little and I thought I saw a twitch of a smile. "Good," she mumbled before turning back to the kitchen.

I headed out the door and practically ran to the park, desperate to find Lily and tell her my good news, though I knew it would still be a few hours before Lily came to the playground.

I settled myself underneath the thicket that made our secret spot and read my letter over and over again, day dreaming of all the fun times Lily and I would have at Hogwarts. What seemed like a dream for my whole life was now a reality.

I kept looking from out of the thicket to the sidewalk, waiting for Lily to come running across the field. Two o'clock, the time Lily usually met me on Sundays, passed by quickly and there was still no sign of her for the next couple of hours. I grew nervous. What if something happened to her? What if she indeed got her letter, but her parents were upset about it and wouldn't allow her to go?

At last, at a little past 5, I looked up to see Lily running across the field, a piece of parchment waving in her hand.

"I got it, Sev!" she called to me, as I ran out of the thicket toward her, "I got it!"

We met in the middle of the field, the sun shining down on us, her green eyes gleaming brighter than I had ever seen them. "I got mine too!" I shouted with her, and before I knew it, she threw her arms around me as she jumped up and down. The shock and her excitement was enough to make me fall over.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she said once she let go, her voice still full of sweet and pure joy. "I was eating my lunch, ready to come meet you here after, and all of a sudden, someone from the school rang the doorbell!"

"Really?" I exclaimed, "Who was it?"

"Professor McGonagall I think her name was."

"She's the deputy headmistress," I answered, sounding astonished.

"Yes, and she explained everything to my parents!"

"Were they upset?" I asked, a little afraid to know the answer myself.

"No, not at all!" she reassured me, "They said they thought it was magnificent and they were so proud of me!"

"Good," I muttered, relief washing through me.

We spent the remainder of the day sitting underneath the shade of our thicket, reading each other's letters and talking about Hogwarts. We waved sticks around, pretending they were our own wands and pretending to cast curses and spells on one another. I couldn't believe how amazing my life had become since I met Lily.

In the middle of August, my mother told me she would take me to Diagon Alley so I could buy all of my school supplies. I didn't think my excitement could get any higher. I would finally have a wand, magic books, and other wizarding supplies of my own.

On the night before my mother was going to take me to Diagon Alley, my father and mother had a row. It was one that upset me more than any of the other ones ever did.

We were sitting down at the table eating dinner, everything silent as usual; the only sounds being the scraping over forks, my mother's shallow breathing, and my father's grunts as he ate like a wild beast. I silently day dreamed about Diagon Alley and whether I wanted to buy myself an owl. I wondered if Lily was going to get one.

I heard my mother clear her throat and a few seconds later she mumbled, "We're going to leave early tomorrow, Severus."

I glanced up and saw my mother looking down at her plate, her nose practically in her potatoes. I heard my father across the table make an angry grunt. "Early? For what?", he said, pounding his fists on the table and I could tell his temper was rising.

"I'm taking Severus to Diagon Alley tomorrow," my mother answered stiffly.

"You mean that crack head village full of freaks?" he spat at her.

"Yes," she muttered back, not entirely coherent. I wanted to smack my father for calling a place where I belonged one of a 'crack head village full of freaks'.

"Well why does he have to go there?" he asked in disgust.

My mother hesitated for a few seconds and I wasn't sure if I should answer when she spoke, barely above a whisper, "To get his supplies for school."

"School? What school? You refused to send the boy to a normal school," he scoffed, picking up his fork and to tear at his food again.

"The school of magic. I told you he got in," she said, her voice indifferent.

"You're not really sending him?" he questioned in disbelief.

"He wants to go," she whispered.

I saw my father begin to shake in fury, his fork quivering in his firm grasp. "Is that true boy?" he demanded, finally tearing his hard gaze from my mother to look at me, "Are you going to this bloody school?"

At one time, I probably feared my father, but now, with knowledge of finally escaping his terror and rage, I didn't care what he did or said to me. "Yes," I replied, my voice just as hard and cold as his. I wouldn't let him terrorize me like my mother. I wouldn't let him hear my voice shake in response like my weak mother.

"So you're going to go learn to play with a stick in a place full of crack heads?" he questioned, his tone starting to become slightly hysterical. He lifted his hand to his face as he began to laugh maliciously into it.

I knew better than to answer him. He might be laughing, but I knew he thought the situation far from funny. "Severus, go to your room," my mother said coldly, still looking down at her plate.

I pushed my chair away from the table and began to sulk to my room. "Yeah, why don't you grab the broom from the hall Severus on your way and practice your flying," he jeered, still laughing, as I turned and shot him a look of upmost loathing.

"Stop it," I heard my mother utter as I trudged up the stairs.

"Why?" he demanded, laughing harder, "Just having a little fun. After all, he'll be a laughing stock if people find out he's waving sticks and flying on cleaning materials."

"Stop it!" my mother yelled louder.

I finally made it to my bedroom and slammed my door shut as my father got up from his chair and screamed, "Don't you talk to me like that!"

I walked over to my desk to pick up my letter from Hogwarts and my booklist before sitting on the edge of my bed. Their screams and shouts were muffled by my closed door, but it didn't matter, I could still hear them. I could still hear all the hateful things they said.

I tried to focus on the pieces of parchment I clutched in my hand, willing myself to think of how wonderful Hogwarts and magic was, and not of how my father made fun of it.

Thunderous footsteps sounded up the stairs, making me jump and my heart start racing. I didn't hear any more yelling, but I knew they could start up again any moment. A few minutes later, my mother busted through the door, her face looking worn and tired. "Severus," she whispered, "make sure you get up early."

Before I could even nod my head, my father came charging in, pushing my mother against the wall, and shouted, "You are not going to this village tomorrow!"

I stood up on instinct of protecting my mother, although I knew that it would do no good. My father could smash us both.

"He's needs his school things," my mother panted as she leaned on the wall, her face terrified.

"You are not wasting my god damn hard earned money on a bunch of magic toys!" he screamed, his face inches from hers, baring his teeth. He clasped his fist around her shoulder and began to shake, as my mother cowered at his grip.

"I'll use my own money," she mumbled, and I could see tears start to bud in her eyes.

"What money?" he shouted, "You don't have any money! You don't work! You're just a stupid piece of worthless shit!"

He shoved her farther away from him, causing her to fall onto the cold wooden floor. Before I knew it, he was rounding on me. "And you're going make him just like you!" I stood up to face him, securing my face of loathsome, but it didn't take long to turn my head away in fear. "You're both just worthless piece of shits with your magic crap!" He snatched my Hogwarts letter that I was still clutching and my booklist fell to the floor. "Now you're just going to go to this school and fill your already demented head with more useless crap that stupid crack heads dreamt up! Well, you're not wasting my money on it! Do you like being a disappointment boy? Do you like being a freak? Well, go to this god damn school and you won't have a choice because that's what you'll become!" And I watched in horror as he tore my Hogwarts letter, throwing the pieces to the floor, as tears stung my eyes.

I didn't even have time to scream in protest. Before I knew it, he was shaking me just as hard, maybe even harder, as my mother. "You'll never amount to anything! You're disgusting and weak just like your bitch of a mother!" The tears of fear started streaming down my sallow cheeks, but I couldn't catch my breath enough to cry out.

And just like that, my mother started struggling with him, pulling him away from me as he tried to shake her off, and I used this distraction to make my escape. I ran out my bedroom door, down the stairs, and out the front door, leaving my shameful parents behind. The last thing I heard before I slammed the cold, hard black door shut was my mother's hopeless screams of "Severus, come back!"

I ran all the way down Spinner's End; not even stopping to catch my breath. I just kept thinking to myself, _got to get away_. At last, when I made it two blocks away from my house onto a deserted street lined with identical white houses, I stopped running and sat down on the curb on the corner. I put my head on my knees and sobbed, just like the weak, disgusting person my father thought I was.

I sat there crying, feeling just as broken and ripped as my Hogwarts letter. I wanted nothing more than just to be at Hogwarts at that very moment; to be surrounded by people who would understand.

I had nowhere to go. I didn't want to go home. I was all alone in the dark, chill of the night. There was only one person I could think of. There was only one person I could think of who would make me feel better, who would make the haunts of my father's harsh words and my mother's screams go away. The only person I could think of was Lily.

Slowly, I lifted myself off the ground, feeling heavier than ever before, like I was carrying the burden my father put on me. I knew it would take me at least a half hour to get to Lily's house, but I didn't care. I needed to see her; I needed someone to talk to. I needed a friend.

I had only been to Lily's house once, the week before. Lily had wanted to introduce me to her parents. She had told them all about her mysterious friend at the playground and since we were going to be attending Hogwarts together, she decided to let them in on the secret of me. Mr. and Mrs. Evans were exactly what I always wanted for parents. They were kind, gentle, warm, and happy; everything that Lily was. But most of all, they were the kind of people who would love their children no matter what, no matter what they turned out to be.

Only street lamps illuminated the walk from the playground to Lily's house, and when I finally got there, I crept over to hide in the bushes under her window in the back of the house. I had a fleeting feeling of silliness and embarrassment that I had actually walked all the way there. I was just about to consent to turning around; Lily would think I was a lunatic for creeping around her house in the middle of the night, when a window above me opened.

I froze in my spot behind the bushes, catching my breath, but a soft voice called out to me from above. "Severus?" whispered a sweet voice.

I turned to look up at the window to see Lily staring down at me bewildered, her long red hair tied in a braid that rested on the shoulder of her white night gown. Her pale skin was illuminated in the dark under the light of the moon and her green eyes shone bright. "What are you doing down there?"she continued.

I tried to think of some excuse as to what I was doing crawling in the bushes under her window, but my voice wouldn't come, and my face felt like it was on fire from humiliation.

"I…uh, I…" It was the first time I had spoken since my father's outburst and I think she could sense the way my voice shook.

"Sev, come up here," she whispered before I could finish what I had no idea I was saying.

"How?" I whispered back. There was nothing but a brick wall in front of me and under her window.

"I'll be right back," she mumbled. An idea seemed to have popped into her head.

When she came back to the window a few minutes later, she was carrying a rope ladder. She threw it down to me as she whispered, "It used to be me and Petunia's. We used it for our tree house before the tree was cut down."

I crawled my way up the rope ladder to her window. I looked down at my feet as I made my way up, the robe ladder wobbling underneath my weight.

She helped me through the window and then sat down on her bed next to each other. She turned to look at me and a troubled expression spread across her face. "Sev, are you alright? You've been crying," she said, worry etched in her voice.

"What? No, I haven't," I tried to convince her in an attempt to not make me sound weak.

"Don't lie to me," she scolded, "Your eyes are all red and puffy." Her scolds weren't like the ones my parents used. Hers were full of care and worry, whereas theirs were always full of hate and disgust. When I didn't answer, but simply looked down at my hands in my lap, she took that as confirmation. "Sev, what happened?"

I took a deep breath before going into everything. I never really talked about my parents before, only to Lily, but I never told her how much it bothered me. Throughout my whole story, I felt my voice shake and my words crack, but Lily's compassion encouraged me to continue.

When I finished, she turned her mouth up into her tiny innocent smile and said, "Well, you can always come to Diagon Alley with me next week."

I giggled back to her as she put her arms around me in a hug. We stayed up into the night, just talking about Diagon Alley and all the treasures that awaited us there, and when the clock read 2 o'clock in the morning, she told me to lie down on her bed as she covered me in blankets, making sure I was comfortable. Then she settled herself next to me, reaching for my hand to give it one last squeeze, and whispered, "Don't worry Sev, it will be okay. Pretty soon, we'll be going to Hogwarts, and you won't have to worry about your parents. It'll be okay, we'll have each other. We'll always be best friends."

And in that moment, I believed her. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, feeling safe, happy, and loved lying next to my best friend, Lily Evans.

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	5. Sorted

**So this chapter overlaps a lot with parts of "The Prince's Tale". For that reason, I didn't put all the dialogue in from those parts, but instead, a short summary in "Snape's" own words and brackets with the page number from Deathly Hallows on which the certain part takes place. Also, I couldn't find anywhere the first names of Avery and Mulciber so I just made them up going off the star constellation first name thing that many purebloods have. I also made up names for many other first years in this chapter and lots more to come! Enjoy!**

~4~

_Through the summer and the fall,_

_we had each other that was all._

_Just she and I together,_

_like it was meant to be._

I listened to the clacking noise my carriage made as I pushed it over the cobblestone in King's Cross train station. My steps hastened with every inch I drew nearer to platform 9 ¾ , my mother struggling to keep up with me. Walking through the barrier was just as easy as I thought it would be and I ignored my mother's instructions on how to safely get through it. Once through, I looked up in amazement at the ruby red steam engine towering above me on the platform.

"Go load your trunk on the train Severus," my mother muttered flatly next to me.

Putting my trunk on the train, I glanced around me at all the other Hogwarts students buzzing around in excitement. I struggled through the crowd, trying to catch sight of Lily.

[Once back on the platform with my mother, I caught Lily standing a short distance away, in what seemed to be an argument with Petunia. I made a slight giggle at the thought of what was upsetting Petunia so much. I knew for a fact, that Petunia was a slight bit jealous of Lily, but dared not show it. A week ago, Lily and I had snuck into Petunia's room and found a letter written to her from Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts, which said Petunia could not come to Hogwarts because she was not a wizard like Lily. My silent giggles increased at this memory, receiving a stern look from my mother who must have thought I was going mad.] **Deathly Hallows page 668*

When the train whistle blew a few minutes later, my goodbye with my mother was nothing more than a "bye, see you at Christmas." I got onto the train and picked one of the first compartments I could find that was completely empty. I looked out the train window as parents hugged and kissed their children, bidding them goodbye with promises of several letters to look forward to. I knew I would never get that kind of goodbye from my parents and doubted they would ever contact me. The only comfort my mother gave me was watching her retreating figure from the train as it began to finally roll to life and set off.

I looked around my compartment which was now housing two other students. I could tell they were also first years by the anxious looks on their faces. When they saw me turn to stare at them, the girl next to me with long dark brown hair and blue eyes smiled and asked, "Are you a first year too?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, my tone giving off the vibe of noninterest.

"I'm Lucy Brandon. What's your name?" she said.

"Severus Snape," I muttered quietly.

"Nice to meet you. And what's yours?" she asked, looking to the boy sitting across from her.

The boy, with soft brown wispy hair, looked up to the brightly smiling Lucy and muttered rather weakly, "Remus Lupin."

My patience was already beginning to run thin with these two. I wanted to find Lily and sit and gush over the excitement of Hogwarts with her, not get distracted by other first years. I quickly changed into my school robes, wanting to get away from my old Muggle clothes as soon as possible. I was about to push pass the other two first years in my compartment when Lucy said something to Remus that caught my attention.

"Are you nervous to see what house you're in?" she said brightly to him.

I had forgotten all about house sorting. My mother, and from what I knew of the rest of my family on her side, were all in Slytherin. Usually house sorting ran in families, so I knew I was a shoe-in for Slytherin House. _But what about Lily?_ I thought to myself. _What if I wasn't in her house? She had become my best friend, would I lose her if we were in separate houses?_

I ran past Lucy and Remus to the compartment door, ignoring Lucy's questions of where I was going. I walked along the corridor, hurriedly scanning for Lily, until at last I found her. She was sitting with her face pressed against the window, wiping tears away from her eyes. There were also two other first year boys sitting across from her who appeared to be unaware of her presence. I yanked open the door and climbed in to take the seat next to her.

[To my surprise, she was upset with me for having peaked at Petunia's letter to Dumbledore and blamed me for her sister's newfound hatred. This didn't faze me as it probably would have done if we were back in our Muggle town. Instead, I ignored her cries and tried to cheer her up with the excitement of finally going off to Hogwarts. I had just started to cheer her up and tell her that I hoped she'd be in Slytherin, when the two boy across from us interrupted our conversation. The one with black hair and round glasses, apparently leaning toward Gryffindor, jeered at the mention of Slytherin while the other one was probably a pureblood whose whole family had been in Slytherin. But no matter what house the future held for them, I felt disgust rise in the pit of my stomach as they laughed and called me "Snivellus".] ** DH pg. 670**

Lily and I finally escaped their laughing and jeers as we came out of the compartment and found a quieter one with only one boy staring out the window who looked a few years older than us. In our quiet compartment, Lily started to cheer up as we ate our lunches and decided that she would try to send Petunia a letter with her apologies. I didn't want to upset her more by telling her to shut up about Petunia, but I was starting to get tired of hearing about it. I didn't care about Petunia or any other Muggle for that matter, and I wished Lily would stop going on about her.

Finally, a couple hours later, the train started to slow down and a look out the window showed that we were coming into the village of Hogsmeade. When the train stopped, Lily and I looked to eachother with huge smiles spreading across our faces and bounding out of our seats to grab our trunks.

Once outside the train and on the platform, a large man with long dark hair and beard called out, "Firs' years dis way!"

"C'mon," Lily shouted excitedly, tugging my arm toward the large man.

We gathered in a group around the man with all of the other first years, looking up at his towering figure in wonder. "I'm Hagrid and I'll be takin' you lot up to the castle for the feast. Follow me!"

Hagrid took us to the side of a lake where we all clambered into boats. Lily and I got stuck in a boat with the two first years I had sat with on the train originally; Lucy and Remus.

"Hey, it's you again," Lucy said to me, practically jumping up and down in excitement. She was a little too boisterous for me and it was starting to get on my nerves.

"Yeah, hi," I muttered rather annoyed and turned back to Lily.

"Look Sev!" she shouted, pointing up in front of her, "It's so beautiful!"

I followed her slender hand to where she was pointing and saw the outline of a brilliantly lit castle getting nearer. "Wow," I murmured awestruck. The beauty and wonder of the castle was enough to take my breath away. Just by looking at the palace, lighting up the dark night sky with its' million golden lights, made me feel at home. I wondered to myself how people were able to leave here at the end of term and at the end of their schooling. I felt as though I would never want to leave this place; that this was the place that was meant for me to be.

Once at the castle and out of the boats, we met a lady with an aging face and glasses the sat on the bridge of her nose. She introduced herself to us as Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor House, and led us into the castle and into the entrance hall, behind which, was the Great Hall.

We all were huddled around her, and I stayed close to Lily, starting to feel nervous at the prospect of being sorted into different houses. McGonagall explained the Sorting Hat to us and then led us into the Great hall where students sat at four long tables clapping and cheering as she led us down the center aisle toward the staff table. She stopped in front of a stool where the Sorting Hat sat.

It sang a song about the different houses and then McGonagall unrolled a large piece of parchment with a list of all of the first year's names. She began to call all of us one by one, starting with Kenny Albright who was sorted into Hufflepuff, and I felt myself practically shaking in nervousness.

[Soon enough the moment came and Lily was called forward. She didn't look back as she walked to the stool and sat down, but I could tell she was nervous. To my dismay, the sorting hat yelled "Gryffindor!" and I let out a loud groan in defeat. We would be separated, and if I was telling myself the truth, I had a feeling about it all along. She went to take a seat next to the boy on the train whose name was something Black. She cast a half smile in my direction and a look of disgust in his.

After what felt like forever, Professor McGonagall called my name and I shakily marched my way up to the stool. I felt the sorting hat be placed gently on my head and waited in the silence for my fate. "Hmmm," it sounded for a few seconds, seeming to debate on where to put me. "You have a lot of bravery in you, but you're about as ambitious as they come," it muttered quietly so that I was sure I was the only one who could hear it. Soon enough, it yelled "Slytherin" just as I expected it would and I flounced over to the Slytherin table where I was welcomed in eruptions of cheers and a pat on the back by a prefect with bleach blonde hair that I took the seat next to.] **DH pg. 672**

I didn't pay attention to the rest of the sorting. I was too distracted to. Sadness filled inside me as I stared longingly at Lily who was seated at the Gryffindor table. She was no longer pouting, but she wasn't smiling either. I wondered if she was feeling the same sense of sadness in her heart as I was.

I vaguely heard Professor Dumbledore say it was time to eat when the sorting was finished and I finally tore my gaze from Lily and the Gryffindors to look at all of the food springing up on the table. I felt the grin spread across my face as the realization of finally being able to do magic hit me.

"I wonder how this works!" said one first year girl with short light brown hair sitting across from me, idolizing at all the food that had suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Well its magic you dummy!" said the first year boy on my left with chestnut hair and a hard look in his brown eyes even for his youth.

"My dad told me they use house elves to set the tables and bring it all up here," replied the boy across from me with a slightly softer look with dirty blonde hair.

"Of course they do! You don't expect us wizards to be working in the kitchens!" yelled the boy next to me, his eyes narrowing on the other boy. "Say, why you so quiet?" he asked, looking to me, "What's your name?"

"Severus Snape," I stammered, a little intimidated by this boy who seemed so domineering. He almost reminded me of a younger version of my father.

"You a pureblood?" he demanded, a heated look in his eyes.

"Uh…well, no," I stammered. I was about to lie, but I knew I would never get away with it. They would find out soon enough when they couldn't find record of anymore wizards with the last name Snape. I felt shame and hatred for my father boil in my stomach as the boy gave me a look of disgust.

"He's of pureblood descent," said the older boy on my left in an authoritive tone, "His mother was a pureblood." After a pause to look down and smile at me he said, " I'm Lucius Malfoy. A sixth year and a prefect."

"Severus Snape," I answered back rather glumly before turning back to the boy who looked as though he was just slapped in the face from Lucius Malfoy's reproachful words.

"At least you ain't no mudblood then," he muttered, shrugging his shoulders, "Name's Corvus Mulciber." He jerked his head in the direction of the boy across from us and said, "And that's Cepheus Avery."

"Nice to meet you," I replied monotone, nodding my head a bit.

I didn't pay any attention to Mulciber's and Avery's conversations as they ate, nor did I talk anymore to Lucius on my other side. Instead, I watched Lily as she ate, a big smile now on her face. She was talking and laughing with two other first year girls at her table, one of them Lucy whom I met on the train.

She seemed to have sensed my eyes on her, as she looked up to meet mine and smiled reassuringly at me. I tried to smile back as much as I could, but I knew it came out kind of crooked. She giggled a little to herself and then popped back into conversation with Lucy and the other girl.

When the feast was over, Professor Dumbledore got up and instructed us all to follow our head boy and girl and prefects to our dormitories. I stood up from the bench with Mulciber and Avery and followed Lucius Malfoy and another prefect girl with long blonde hair.

"This way first years!" shouted Lucius over all the mumbles of the first years. He beckoned us forward with a wave of his hand and we all followed obediently down the aisle toward the door of the Great Hall.

Once to the door, our group of Slytherins came to a stop as we were about to pass a line of Gryffindors to get out of the hall. I watched as Lucius cast a scathing look at the boy prefect with bright red hair leading the line of Gryffindors.

Without so much as a word, both lines swept through the door together in one large mass and into the entrance hall. Once through in the entrance hall, the mass split into the group of Gryffindors heading up stairs and the group of Slytherins heading downstairs. It was then that I finally saw Lily again as she walked hurriedly to keep up with the rest of the Gryffindors.

I stopped in my spot and shouted "Lily!" to her. I watched as she stopped in her tracks, almost on the first step, and turned to look toward me.

A grin spread across her face as she shouted, "Sev!" and I felt the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile that mirrored hers. She seemed as if she was about to walk over to me, when Lucy tugged on her arm to keep up with the rest of the Gryffindors. "It's okay Sev. I'll see you later!" she called as she retreated up the steps.

The smile on my face slowly transformed into a frown before I turned around and headed for the dungeons with the rest of the Slytherins to the common room; a place that held symbols of all the differences and emotions that would forever separate me for Lily.

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	6. The Potions Champ

**Hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reading! (:**

~5~

A loud grunt of a snore woke me up the next morning with a jolt. I opened my eyes to see the emerald green canopy above me. The loud snorts continued to fill the room, and no longer feeling like I would be able to go back to sleep, I sat up and withdrew the green hangings around my bed, knocking the book I fell asleep reading to the floor.

Ever since my trip into Diagon Alley with my mother to get my school books and supplies, I had barely ever taken a moment to put one of my school books down. There were full of fascinating spells and hexes that seemed so foreign to me. I couldn't wait to get out into the wizarding world and try them all.

I looked around my room and noticed that the snores were coming from the mouth of Mulciber at the end of the room. The bed on my left, housing a sleeping Avery, still had the hangings drew and the bed on my left had the hangings drew back and the covers completely made. This bed was for another boy in my year, Xavier Cromwell, with messy fair blonde hair and presumably quiet, who had apparently gone down to breakfast already. I decided to follow his lead and go up there myself.

I crept over to my trunk at the end of my bed and got dressed quietly in my robes so as not to wake Avery and Mulciber. In the common room, there were only a few older years meeting up to head up to the Great Hall together. I followed a bunch of giggling sixth year girls, one of them the blonde who was a prefect with Lucius Malfoy, out the stone door that was a part of the wall and up the dungeon stairs.

"You should have waited for him, Narcissa," said one of the girls in front of me to the blonde prefect.

"But what if he doesn't think of me in the same way that I do of him?" Narcissa asked the girl back.

"Of course he does! You two would make the perfect couple," said another girl in the group.

I decided to try and pass them on the stairwell. They were walking too slow for me and I didn't want to hear their conversations about whatever boy it was. However, as I tried to scoot by them on the stairs, one of them backed up and pushed me into the wall, causing me to trip over myself and fall down on the cold, hard stone. I heard them all let out a fit of giggles and one say in between laughs, "stupid first years," as I got up red-faced and practically ran to the entrance hall to escape their jeers.

Once in the doorway of the Great Hall, I slowed down my steps and caught my breath before marching over to the Slytherin table. As I did so, I glanced over at the Gryffindor table to see if Lily was there yet. I scanned the table up and down, but she wasn't there yet and neither were Lucy or the other girl she was talking to yesterday.

I took a seat at the end of the table where the first and second years were sitting. I was next to Xavier who was staring down at his plate as he slowly shoved food into his mouth. Across from me, were two first year girls, Posie Parkinson and Ursula Wilkes, who seemed to be admiring some fifth year down at the other end of the table.

I started shoveling food into my own mouth when Lily walked into the Great Hall, accompanied by three other first year girls. They were all smiling and talking, seeming to already be acquainted with one another. I wanted more than ever to go and sit and talk with my best friend, but I knew that that was impossible. What would everyone think of me if I went and sat at the Gryffindor table?

At long last, after a speech by the headmaster, our heads of houses came around and started to give us our schedules. It was going to be our first day of classes. Professor Slughorn was the head of Slytherin house. He was a plump older man who seemed to be a little eccentric. I glanced down anxiously at my schedule, hoping to have at least one class with Lily. To my relief, the Slytherins were to have Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Care of Magical Creatures, and Flying with Gryffindors, but for that day, I only had double Potions with Lily.

When it was time, I walked off for my first class, Transfiguration, with Avery and Mulciber who had slumped into breakfast a little late. Transfiguration seemed to pass by slowly, or maybe it was just because I couldn't wait to see Lily next period in Potions. Professor McGonagall, the teacher of Transfiguration, seemed like a strict lady who wouldn't put up with any nonsense. It was for that reason that I, along with several other students, was slightly intimidated by her. She was also one who liked to give a large amount of homework, as after one class, we had several hours worth.

At last, it was time for Potions class and I couldn't contain my excitement to finally see Lily. It had felt like a week since I last heard the laugh and saw the brilliant smile of my best friend. I walked alone to Potions, leaving Avery and Mulciber walking as slow as snails behind me to the Potions classroom in the dungeon.

I walked into the classroom to see first years all staring around the room and talking loudly. "Take a seat everyone, take a seat!" Professor Slughorn tried to shout over the loud voices. I spotted Lily from across the room and I immediately made my way to her.

"Sev!" she cried as I made my way over to the table she was sitting at up in the front of the room. I took the seat next to her, as Xavier took the seat across from us. The girl's who she seemed to be hanging around with a lot were a table over sitting next to one another.

"Oh Sev, it feels like I haven't seen you in forever," she said smiling at me, "How was your first day? I couldn't believe it when we didn't get in the same house."

"Yeah, I thought I would never get to see you," I muttered, "But at least we're together now!" My mouth curled up into a smile on my last words. Just Lily's presence alone made me feel happy again.

"Yes, at least we'll still have classes together and we can always meet up in the library to study," she said, giving me a smile back.

I was about to give her a reply when Professor Slughorn bounded to the front of the room and called everyone's attention. "Settle down all of you, settle down," he started, "Now, I'm Professor Slughorn, the potions master here and head of Slytherin house. I'll be teaching you for the remainder of your time here at this school about the art of potion making and the wonders it can do!" He went on explaining potion making some more, and although some students appeared to be dozing off like James Potter and Sirius Black (the two boys from the train), I was entirely intrigued.

He closed his speech by saying, "Now, if you all will turn to page 291 in your books and concoct a potion for curing snake bites, a quite tricky one, and we'll see just who here is particularly gifted in potions. So, begin!"

Without another word, people started to cautiously open their books. They all hesitated before gathering their ingredients and getting it started, but I just looked down on them all as fools. Ever since I had gotten my books from Diagon Alley, the two that I had practically memorized were Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts. I got started and opened my book right away and didn't rely on the instructions written in it, but instead, on my instinct.

I heard the nervous whispers of my classmates, all unsure as to what they were doing, but no sound ensued from my mouth nor Lily's. I wondered if she knew what she was doing just as well as I did, but I was too into my potion to ask.

Slughorn walked around the room periodically throughout the class, grimacing at certain people's cauldrons and smiling slightly at others. He rounded on Lily's, Xavier's, and mine's at close to last, and when he did, he simply beamed with excitement. His enthusiasm did nothing more than encourage me to keep going on confidently and smile smugly to myself.

"Alright, time's up! Time to test your potions and see if we have a winner," he exclaimed, clapping his hands together, about a half hour later. Coincidentally, I had just finished my potion when Slughorn called time. I felt satisfied that my potion was almost perfect because it had been done in the exact time limit he set for it to be done.

I watched as Slughorn started to circle around the room, bending over cauldrons to waft the potion toward his nose to see if it was the precise scent and swishing it around with his wand. It was the first time I had noticed the rest of the class since we first started on our potions. Most of them wore expressions of nervousness and anxiety, and some, like one Gryffindor girl Mary MacDonald, even looked like they were on the verge of tears.

"How do you think you did?" Lily whispered into my ear next to me. It startled me for a moment to hear her crisp, clear voice ring through mind as I had been so focused on my potion.

"Oh, alright, I guess," I muttered, a little jittery from my surprise. I didn't want to sound too cocky just in case my potion was completely off. "How do you think you did?"

She bit down on her lip, mirroring the same expression as most of the rest of the class had set on their own faces. "Well, he was right, it was definitely tricky. It never seemed like it was the right amount of ingredients to stir in, but I think I did okay anyways. Better than Peter Pettigrew anyways," she started to chuckle to herself as she pointed in the direction of mousey little boy who looked terrified out of his wits. "His blew up in his face. Look!"

I turned to stare at the table in the back where little Peter sat with James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. Their table was covered in what looked like black goo and Peter's face was covered in the same dark muck. Professor Slughorn was now looking into all of their cauldrons. He wore a sour expression and let out a loud groan of disgust. "Clean this up, you four," was all he said with a wave of his hand and a large grimace before moving on to a table of three Slytherin girls.

I tried to muffle by giggles into my hand at Peter's stupidity. "Of course," I started, shaking my head with a smug smile, "He put too much essence of Murtlap in it."

Lily stared at me questioningly for a moment before asking, "How do you know that?"

I stared back at her, thinking the answer was obvious. "Because essence of Murtlap is the only ingredient that would have caused that effect if mixed improperly with the other ingredients," I told her smartly, my tone a little wary at the fact that neither she nor anyone else in the room appeared to not have known this. I guessed I was the only one who really read and paid attention to all the ingredients listed in our potions book and all their possible effects. She just simply nodded back, giving me a suspicious look, as Professor Slughorn finally made it to our table.

"Now, let's see your potions," he said excitedly, the first time a smile started to form on his face since he last made his rounds to our table. He started off with Xavier's, nodding his head and muttering, "Not bad Mr. Cromwell. Unlike our friend Mr. Pettigrew over there, you needed to add a little more essence of Murtlap, but other than that, I'd say a job well done!"

He nodded his head jubilantly to Xavier and then bent over Lily's. I heard her sharp intake of breath next to me. She was obviously very nervous for her results. Beads of sweat started to bead on her forehead and she bit down on her lip harder. Thankfully, Slughorn looked up with praise before she could do any physical harm to herself. "Why Miss Evans," he cheered, "You have nothing to fear! This potion is close to perfect! A little tweaking and we couldn't have a better cure for snake bites!" The three Gryffindor girls across the room began to clap their hands in praise for Lily and I did the same, beaming down at her. Slughorn started clapping his hands as well and cheered, "I think you're well on your way to mastering the art of potions!"

Her green eyes looked up into my dark and I knew that she had been dreading this moment because of her Muggle decent. It was no secret that Lily had been fretting not being as good as pureblood and half-bloods, but now, everyone was sure that she would probably be one of the smartest in our year.

At long last, Slughorn came to look into my cauldron. I felt my hands trembling. I wanted to stand out and be the best in the class. I was afraid that after all, Lily would be better than me. She was my best friend, but I still wanted to out show her and everyone else. To my relief, Slughorn clapped his hands and practically jumped up and down. "My, my, my dear boy," he shouted in astonishment, you have concocted the perfect potion to cure snake bites. I swear it is probably even better than my own!" He patted me on the back and turned to the rest of the class. "Everyone give it up for Mr. Snape! The new one to beat in this class!" I heard all of the Slytherins and Lily clap their hands loudly and cheer for me, but the Gryffindors simply gave me looks of hatred and seemed to only be clapping on Slughorn's orders.

I looked down when I felt Lily tugging on my arm; her bright smiling facing glowing into mine with the upmost admiration. "Good job, Sev," she beamed. "Thanks," I started, "You too!"

Slughorn then turned back to me once the clapping and cheers from the Slytherins, most obnoxiously Avery and Mulciber, died down and looked into my eyes proudly and said, "Yes, there is no doubt that you will be an extraordinary potion maker Mr. Snape, if I do say so myself." His tone of voice reminded me of one a parent would express to their child when they were extremely proud and impressed by them, and I felt the warmness consume my insides for the praise I had never received from my mother or father in my lifetime.

I walked out of Potions that day with Lily at my side, feeling at once like I belonged somewhere and that I stood out in a good way. Not even the laughs and taunts of Potter and Black could put me down. "Snivelley, the new potions champ, ha! We all don't have long enough noses to rely on in order to get the right smells," they teased, but I didn't even bother answering. Instead, Lily just turned and shot them a nasty look saying, "At least his potion and our table didn't look like it had just come out of a donkey's back end!"

That shut them up right there and I just turned with a smug smile on my face. I had just proven myself to Lily and to everyone that I wasn't the worthless little boy that my father or people like Potter and Black thought I was, but instead, that I was a fierce competitor in my year and maybe the whole school who might one day turn out to be one of the cleverest wizards of all time.

**~Please review and let me know what ya think!~**


	7. Broomsticks, Goons, and Goblins

**Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this chapter :) **

**P.S.- They're still in their first year, although the next chapter might take place in the second year. Haven't figured it out yet lol**

~6~

I leaned against the large stone wall in the entrance hall, next to the door that opened into the Great Hall. Breakfast was just about over and students were filing out to head to their first classes of the day. I watched many of my classmates head down to the Quidditch field anxiously for our first Flying class. It was the one class I was dreading. I had never flown on a broomstick before and I felt sure that I would fail greatly at it considering my inept athletic ability.

I watched as Avery and Mulciber dragged themselves out of the Great Hall and out the front doors. "You coming Snape?" they called to me, giving me suspicious looks.

"Yeah, I'll be right there," I yelled back. Flying was one of the classes where all the first year Slytherins and Gryffindors were all together, and as such, I had to wait for one very important Gryffindor girl like I did every morning before class. Sure enough, I heard the soft giggles of her three friends drifting out of the Great Hall and I looked up to see Lily emerging with the them.

"We'll meet you down there Lil," said one strawberry blonde frizzy-haired girl with freckles, Mary MacDonald.

"Yeah, see you in a bit," said Bonnie Bennett, a short,dark auburn haired girl with startling blue eyes. All three girls turned then and walked out the door. All three of them were aware of Lily and I's pattern of walking to class together every morning.

Lily started over to where I was standing as they left. "You ready for today?" she asked smiling.

I looked down and groaned. "It's going to be a disaster."

She nudged me with her shoulder, a movement which immediately brought my eyes back up to meet hers. "Cheer up," she said, "I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think."

"This coming from a girl who never knew there was such a thing as flying on broomsticks before two years ago," I muttered as we started to walk out the door into the cool, crisp autumn air.

She giggled as we made our way down to the Quidditch pitch. "Well, I highly doubt I'll do much better."

When we finally arrived at the Quidditch pitch, everyone was standing in a line next to a broom. Lily and I took the two brooms at the end of the line next to two Slytherin girls, Vanessa Selwyn and Carina Dulan. I thought I faintly heard the sniggers of Potter and Black when we had come in and I cast them both looks of loathing down at the end of the line.

"Good morning everyone," called a teacher brightly strolling onto the green lawn. She had short jet black hair which stuck up in little spikes. "I'm Madam Hooch and I will be your flying instructor. Now, shall we begin?" A chorus of excited giggles and chatter filled the air, but all I could manage to do was try to gulp down my fears. "First, raise your right hand over your broom and say Up!"

Everyone started at once, trying to say "up" in different tones of voices. I could tell that some, like Mulciber, were getting frustrated and tended to shout at their broom. I figured it was best to call the broom with a stern, but kind voice.

Madam Hooch strolled up and down the line, criticizing some for their techniques and praising others. After about a minute, only three people had managed to call their brooms properly: Avery, Ursula Wilkes, and, to my distaste, James Potter who was the very first to get their broom up off the ground. After another minute, several more had gotten their brooms up, including Lily, but it took all of 5 minutes for everyone to get theirs up, and me second to last behind Pettigrew. I heard all of their laughs when my broom finally came up, the force hitting me by surprise and causing me to stumble off balance into Lily.

"Okay, now," Madam Hooch said clapping her hands together once everyone was holding onto their brooms, "Time to practice mounting your brooms!"

She came around the line and one by one corrected our grips on the stick. A few times I felt myself start to lose balance, but I never went as far as falling into Lily again. Once we were all in the appropriate mounting position, we were told it was time to get our feet off the ground. We were instructed to kick off the ground hard, fly up in the air a few feet, and then lean forward to come back down. It seemed easy enough, but I knew that it was easier said than done, especially for someone who struggled daily to find balance.

On her whistle, everyone started kicking their feet, trying to get up in the air. Some managed to get up an inch, and then fall back down again. James Potter, however, was off and close to soaring over the Astronomy Tower, the castle's highest point.

"Get back down here, Mr. Potter!" Madam Hooch shouted to him and all the Gryffindors clapped and cheered as he soared back down to earth with such ease and grace that he didn't even stumble as his feet hit the ground with a thud. He stood up straighter than I had ever seen him before, running a hand through his messy dark hair, sticking out his chest like a peacock, and smiling proudly to all of his admirers.

"Showoff," I muttered to myself, feeling my hatred for Potter start to increase with every bow he took for the girls who still cheered for him. Even the Slytherins were jumping up and down for him, with the exception of Avery and Mulciber.

After Madam Hooch got everyone settled down from the excitement of Potter's demonstration, we were all asked to try flying again, with the exception of Potter who simply got a "I think that's enough flying for you today," from her.

Aside from Potter, who clearly stood out as the best in the class, Avery and Ursula were also very good themselves and many others were starting to get the hang of it by the end. I, however, just embarrassed myself.

After ten tries at kicking off, I had finally managed to get off the ground a few feet, but instead of leaning forward to come down, I simply slipped off the side of my broom and tumbled onto the ground. I heard many people's sniggering laughs as I lay on the ground, clutching my forehead which I had hit pretty hard, but most distinctly, I heard Potter's cackle.

"Your nose weigh you down, Snivellus?" he cackled maliciously, "Better watch out, I don't think that broom is meant to hold a nose of that size!" His goons of Pettigrew and Black joined in along with a giggling Lucy and Mary. I felt my face go hot from a combination of my embarrassment for falling off my broom and my hatred for Potter and his snide remarks.

As usual, I was too embarrassed to think of anything clever enough to say back to him, but yet again, Lily came to my defense. "Why don't you pay attention to your own size considering that you're head is probably so big now that even a dragon couldn't hold it!"

The snickering coming from the mouths of Potter, Black, and Pettigrew suddenly ceased, although all the girls were now giggling at Lily's retort, as Potter's eyes narrowed on me and Lily before turning around with his goons whose expressions now mirrored his.

Flying class thankfully came to an end and I hurried as fast as I could back to the castle for Charms, not even stopping to wait for Lily or anyone else. Humiliation still washed through me and I was afraid to pick my head up from the ground to look at anyone for fear they would laugh in my face. My self esteem which was at its' highest a few days ago in Potions was now back to it's all time lowest thanks to Potter and his goons.

In charms, I sat by myself in the back of the room next to a bunch of Ravenclaws who thankfully hadn't seen the incident on the Quidditch pitch. We continued to practice Wingardium Leviosa, a charm meant to left things up into the air that I had mastered the first day.

At lunch, I figured I couldn't avoid my fellow Slytherins much longer. I had to face up to my humiliation some time, hoping that they would be kinder than Potter and the other Gryffindors.

"Nice broom ride today, Snape," said Mulicber, laughing with Avery as I sat down.

"I know," cackled Avery, "Even all of the girls were able to stay on!"

"Even Pettigrew and we all know how much of a wimp he is," continued Mulciber.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," I mumbled.

"Sure you weren't standing too close to him so all of his wimp didn't rub off on you?" said Avery. They started to laugh even louder this time.

"Alright, I get it!" I finally shouted to them. The last thing I wanted was for my reputation to be of one who was wimpier and weaker than Peter Pettigrew.

They paused to look at me for a moment before Mulciber said jokingly, "Oh, lighten up Snape. We all know you're a potions genius anyways. So you can't ride a broom, well, at least you have one thing going for ya."

Avery nodded his head in approval of Mulciber's words. Though they were probably meant to cheer me up, his words had the reverse effect on me and I decided I needed to get away from them. I got up from the table without a word and sulked off toward the entrance hall and up to the second floor for Defense Against the Dark Arts.

The door to the classroom was still shut seeing that I was several minutes early. I decided to just sit down on the floor by the door and opened my library book, _101 Defensive Spells and Their Uses_, to where I had left off the night before. A few minutes later, all of the other Slytherin and Gryffindors started to make their way to the classroom door.

I was one of the first into the classroom as soon as Professor Hayes let us in and I took a seat in the back corner next to Xavier, someone I knew wouldn't make fun of me for my incident at the Quidditch pitch.

For the first part of class, we were to show Professor Hayes that we could perform the Lumos charm, one that lit up the end of your wand and also one that I had mastered the first time I performed it. The remainder of class was devoted to talking about goblins. It was common knowledge that Professor Hayes was rather proud of his dealings with goblins in the past. He often described his experiences of him owing them large sums of money, but when he didn't pay them, they attacked and took his wand and he was left defenseless. He then continued by saying he had to wrestle them all barehanded and succeeded. I, along with the rest of the class, knew that this was an exaggeration. There was no way that the short man, who was obviously full of himself and whose greatest fear was breaking a nail, would ever be able to tackle a swarm of goblins. Still, it meant for an entertaining class though it was basically a joke. It was doubtful that we would ever learn of any useful spells and jinxes in his class.

Once the dreadful class was over, I darted out the door for History of Magic, another snooze of a class. Professor Binns just didn't know how to stop droning on and on. I was dimly aware of Lily trying to catch me as I made my way out of D.A.D.A., but I ignored her. I was still humiliated by this morning's events.

After History of Magic, I decided to go for a walk outside in the autumn before dinner. It was another way to be secluded from everyone. I sat under a birch tree by the edge of the lake, watching the sun start to set in the distance. I picked up my library book from my bag and began where I left off, reading about the freezing curse, trying to distract myself from everything.

A few minutes later I heard the crunching of twigs and I looked up to see Lily making her way toward me. Her expression wasn't smiling as it usually was, instead, she looked worried. I didn't think I could face her with the gloom of earlier today hanging over me.

"What do you want," I muttered once she was close enough, turning my nose back to my book.

"I'm here to talk to you," she said firmly, sitting down on the grass beside me.

"About what?" I muttered, not lifting my head from my book.

"You know bloody well what!" she almost shouted. It was the first time I heard her tone get that way with me. "Why have you been ignoring me all day?" she demanded.

"I haven't been ignoring you," I muttered, still not meeting her eyes.

"Yes you have so don't lie to me," she retorted. After a pause she continued, "You didn't talke to me after you fell off your broom and you didn't wait for me after class. You didn't wait for me after lunch or even sit or talk to me in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Are you mad at me?"

"No, of course not," I said, trying to sound reassuring, "I just…I….I just…" I couldn't finish. I couldn't admit to her that out of everyone, the person that I felt the most embarrassed in front of about the broom and Potter incident was her.

"I know it has something to do with flying class," she murmured, "You were fine this morning until the end of class." I just nodded my head in agreement, my eyes staring at the words in the book that I wasn't reading. I heard her sigh next to me before she went on, "Sev, do you think that I or anyone else actually care that you fell off your broom? So what! You'll get better, you just need more practice. You outshine us all in Potions. You can't be good at everything."

"I know," I muttered, "But Potter—"

"Who cares about Potter!" she interrupted exasperated, "He's just a good for nothing cockroach who deserves to have that mighty big head of his burst open! Just ignore him Sev, there's no use getting wound up about him."

"Easier said than done," I muttered.

"Well, you know what, no one cares about what he has to say anyways besides Black who's just as bad as he is and Pettigrew who is just happy that they actually pay attention to him." I could tell she was annoyed by them, but her tone turned softer when she said, "Don't worry Sev, I'm here for you, and I'll stick up for you whenever anybody tries to make fun of you."

"Do you mean that?" I whispered, hoping that I did have a true friend in Lily.

"Of course I do," she exclaimed, "You're my best friend and not even separate houses or Potter and his goons could change that."

I finally lifted my head out of my book to look at Lily and the smile playing at the corner of her mouth and for the first time since that morning, I gave her my smile back. "Thanks Lily."

For a long time afterwards, I didn't care about Potter and his goons, for I had something they didn't have; a true friend in Lily Evans. Of course, all good things come to an end eventually, no matter how much we don't want them to. And so, mine followed that pattern.

**Review Please and leave some lovely comments! Thank you so much for reading! x**


	8. Water Under the Bridge

**So, this chapter came out longer than I expected. I was actually going to pair it with another chapter, but then it would be huge so I decided to split it up. Anyways, so this takes place in the beginning of second year. Sorry I'm going a tad fast through the first few years, but I have more juicy things that will be going on in fourth (maybe third?) year and up so stay tuned! Yeah, so this chapter is kind of just showing how Lily and Sev's relationship started to get rough and how the fallout was just numerous things piling on top of eachother. Well, I hope you enjoy and keep reading! Thanks! x**

~7~

The rest of my first year passed just as quickly as it had come, and soon enough, I was on the train ride home with Lily talking about how boring our summers would be in comparison to the never ending excitement at Hogwarts.

My summer days were spent reading out in the shade from the hot sun, for fear of my pale skin burning. As I no longer had the luxury of library books at school, I decided to dig into my mother's old school books, laying aside my first year ones. I was especially interested in her old dark art books, but unfortunately being underage, I couldn't practice any of the spells in them. Instead, I just tried putting all the incantations to memory and all the effects they would have. By the end of the summer, I had read up to her seventh year Defense Against the Dark Arts Book and memorized every spell, hex, jinx, and counter curse that they all contained.

I had just started moving on to her potions books, my next favorite subject, when it was time to go back to school. Again, Lily and I got a compartment all to ourselves, away from each of our friends.

"Aren't you excited to be going back," she said to me, lying down on the seat across from me while she twirled a piece of her long red hair with her finger.

"Of course I am," I snorted, "Why would I ever want to be living with my parents than here at school?"

"I'm going to miss my family," she said sadly, still twirling a lock of her hair, "Christmas is a long ways away."

"Yeah, well at least you can look forward to that," I muttered, "I hate Christmas."

"Oh Sev, I'm sorry," she apologized, sitting up in her seat to face me, "I shouldn't have said anything. I know how hard it is for you at home over the holidays."

"It's okay," I reassured her, "I have all my books to keep me occupied through the holidays."

She seemed to frown a little at me. "I don't know why you read those things. Some of them contain some dark content and I don't think any of our professors at school would think it wise for a second year to be reading them."

I shrugged. "There's no problem with getting ahead."

"There is when you're way too young to be learning that stuff," she scolded me. One of the things I loved about Lily was the way she watched over me. I guessed that caring nature came from her mother. She sort of took on the motherly role in a sort of way for me, always concerned for what I was doing and what I was getting into. "And when you have the wrong motives for doing it," she finished.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I questioned, a tad bit bitter. She was making me out to be an ignorant fool, unaware of my own destiny.

"It means that I know you're only working so hard to master all these spells that are too mature for you to prove that you're better than Potter and his friends," I saw her brows crumple in an effort to show anger, "You're better than him anyways and you don't need to be filling your mind with dark magic to prove that."

"That's not true," I mumbled, although I knew she was almost right. There was a drive in me to learn all the dark spells and defensive magic I could to prove myself, not just to Potter and his gang, but to everyone else in the world as well; everyone who dared call me a weak fool. But there was also the fact that the dark arts were just plain fascinating to me. I enjoyed reading about all the chaos you could cause by just one simple spell.

"Wanna bet," she retorted, her voice containing more hard anger than its' usual sweetness with me.

I was finding myself starting to boil with anger at the fact of her accusing me of things that she didn't know the truth of. She didn't know my motives or how I thought or felt about anything, so how dare she say sound like she understood every hidden part of me. "Well, you don't know anything," I bellowed, my face turning red in fury, "You're just being stupid and you don't understand."

She just sat and stared at me for a few seconds, her green eyes piercing through mine. I felt my anger face and regret take its' place at my words, but before I could apologize, she was grabbing her things. "Well, if that's how you feel," she said coldly, throwing her bag down from the overhead compartment, "then I'll just leave you to all of your mature reading that all of us simple people just don't understand." She stormed off to the door of the compartment, but she turned around just as she was about to walk through it and shouted, "Maybe you should post a warning next time so you don't end up sitting with someone who's too ignorant and not up to your standards!" A grimace fell upon my face as my whole body jumped from the slamming shut of the door that was no doubt heard from anywhere on the train.

I just sat, staring at the door to the compartment, waiting for her to come back, but after five minutes of waiting, she never did. I considered running after her, but I was too embarrassed and fearful to do so. She would no doubt be sitting somewhere else, probably with her friends, not wanting me in ten feet of her. I reluctantly tore my gaze from the door which she would not come back through and stared out the window at the passing trees, waiting for us to finally pull into the Hogsmeade station.

When we did arrive, I walked slowly off the train, dragging my feet, looking for a sighting of Lily, ready to apologize for my harsh words. As I neared the carriages however, I saw her riding away in the back of one with a lonely looking Remus Lupin. She had the bright smile back on her face as she was chatting nonchalantly to him. _Oh she looks upset_, I thought to myself and I felt anger rush through me again, coupled with a fear that she was trading me in for the shabby Lupin. I pushed that thought out of my head, knowing that she couldn't throw away our friendship that easily.

I felt something hard thump me on the back and I turned to a smiling Mulciber next to me, who seemed to have grown a couple inches over the summer, with a just as happy looking Avery, who appeared to not have grown at all.

"How was your summer Snape," leered Mulciber. It was highly unlikely that he would ever get rid of that malicious joking tone in his voice that matched the dark eyes in which evil appeared to dance in.

"Oh, it was alright," I shrugged. I wasn't rather fond of Mulciber of Avery. They tended to be rather creepy, intimidating, and downright scary at times, but they were the best friends I had here apart from Lily. "How was yours," I finished.

"Not too bad," he sneered, nodding his head, "My father taught me some jinxes that I could maybe try out on a few people this year. Helped me practice them too."

"But we're not supposed to do underage magic," I said suspiciously.

He simply just laughed at me, along with Avery. "Only cowards follow rules," he justified, "Besides, my father just said it was him performing the jinxes when the Ministry officials came knocking."

"And they believed him?" I asked in shock.

"Of course they did," he said as if it was obvious, "My father's very powerful with the Ministry." At his last words, he turned to look at Avery and they both smirked together, as if exchanging some kind of meaning behind those words.

I just looked at them both dumbfounded until Mulciber threw his heavy arm around me and steered me toward a carriage in which I piled into with him and Avery at my heels.

At the feast, I listened to more of Mulciber and Avery's summer tales while I stared across the hall at Lily. She was next to Mary, Lucy, and Bonnie and I noticed that not once did she glance in my direction. Usually, she would always lock eyes with me and smile out of habit, but this time, it was obvious that she was deliberately avoiding me and my apologetic eyes.

I finally tore my eyes away from her when Professor Dumbledore rose at the end of the feast to give his annual welcome speech, thankful that it finally shut up Mulciber and Avery. He introduced us to our new Defense the Dark Arts teacher Professor Hickabee, an auror for the Ministry, to replace Professor Hayes, who evidently was in St. Mungo's Hospital after being attacked by a bunch of goblins over the summer when he refused to pay the money he owed them.

At the end of the speech, we were sent off to bed and I didn't get another chance to see Lily and apologize. I stayed awake all night, listening to the loud snores of Mulciber as I worried over Lily. I didn't know what I would do without her. She was my best friend and I wanted to believe that she thought more of our friendship that to just give up on it after one tiny disagreement. If she was truly the Lily I knew, then she would be awake several floors above me, pondering over the same things.

The next day at breakfast, she sat with her back to me across the hall. This was also a new habit. We always sat at our tables so we were in clear view of one another. I felt my hopes crash around me as I saw this realization. I had to find away to apologize to her and soon. We received our schedules from Slughorn and I saw that I had Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions with her today. I would somehow find a way to talk to her in one of those classes.

After breakfast, I went out into the entrance hall to wait for her before heading to my first class, but she never came out and when I glanced inside, I saw that she was gone. Later that morning, I arrived at Defense Against the Dark Arts late, and to my disappointment, Lily was already sitting up in the front with Lucy, Mary, and Bonnie, not even bothering to turn around with the rest of the class when I walked in.

Professor Hickabee went on throughout the whole lesson about all of the jinxes and defensive spells we would be getting introduced to this year, although I already knew all of them. He seemed a much more capable teacher than Professor Hayes, but still just as cocky. He seemed to take pride in the fact that he was a known undefeated dueler in the wizarding world, and would so be teaching us how to duel during the course of the year. This raised my hopes just a tad higher as I thought of all the pleasure I would get in defeating Potter and Black, who were smirking smugly in the corner at Hickabee's words. They wouldn't know what was coming for them.

As our class was dismissed, I didn't bother waiting for Lily. If she was going to ignore me, then I was going to ignore her too. I strutted off for lunch, ignoring Potter and Black's welcome back digs, which only added to my irritation.

"Your hair is looking a tad greasier this year Snivellus," they chimed, "What did you do, bathe in a sea of oil?"

I clutched my wand in my pocket, ready to spring around and throw one of the curses I memorized this summer at them, but instead, I took a deep breath and turned around thinking I would save that for the duel. I could make them look like idiots at the same time in which I could look like a hero.

At lunch, I sat with my back to Lily, continuing the game she was playing at. I tried to strike up a conversation with Mulciber and Avery to distract myself and make it look like I didn't care just in case she looked over.

In potions, I took a seat in the back with Mulciber and Avery, refusing to look when she came through the door. I didn't look at her at all through the entire class, averting my eyes from where I thought she sat and staring fixedly at Slughorn as he lectured. As usual, he tested our potions skills and outshone everyone.

After class, I was beginning my way to the common room when something soft caught my arm. I turned my face around to see Lily staring at me, holding her hand on my arm in an effort to stop me. Her brow was furrowed and her eyes showed sadness. She was upset.

She seemed to think I was about to throw her hand off me, but when I didn't, I felt the tension in the way she was holding my arm fade away."I'm sorry, Sev," she whimpered, "Please don't stay mad at me."

I could have yelled and told her how furious I was with her, but if I did, it wouldn't be truthful. I wasn't mad at her. I could never be angry with her. Sure, she frustrated me with her words and her actions sometimes, but I could never be mad at her in a way that would be permanent or make me think any less of her. 'I'm not mad at you," I murmured, "I never was."

I heard her breathe a sigh of relief and she dropped my arm. "Then why were you ignoring me?" she asked a little hurt.

"Because you were ignoring me," I told her.

"No, I wasn't," she said, her words coming out in a rush.

I stared at her dumbfounded. "How come you wouldn't talk of look at me then?"

She shook her head. "I didn't mean too. I just felt…I just felt hurt and embarrassed."

"About what?'

"That you said I didn't know anything," she mumbled.

"Lily, I didn't mean—" I tried to tell her. How could she think that I thought she was an ignorant fool?

"I know," she interrupted, "It was silly, but I just thought that maybe you no longer wanted to be friends with me because I wasn't as good at magic as you are."

"Of course you're good," I said, "You're one of the best in our year, especially considering you're Muggle born."

"Thanks," she sighed. After a pause she said quietly, "Look, I'm sorry for those awful things I said to you about studying the dark arts. I mean you were reading school books so they can't be that bad if they teach them in a classroom. I know it's a way to escape your parents over the summer, so I'm sorry I yelled at you for reading them. I'm just worried about you, that's all. They say awful things about Slytherin house and the people who come out of there. I just don't want you to end up like them. Do you forgive me?"

I knew very well about all of my Slytherin predecessors. Some of the darkest Slytherins of all time came out of Slytherin house, but at that moment, I had no inkling of wanting to become part of that sinister bunch. "Of course I forgive you," I said, cracking a smile, "I already told you I wasn't mad at you about anything. I don't think I could be mad at you." I looked down to the floor on my last words and felt my face flush scarlet.

Her mouth twisted up into a smile back and she said softly, "Thanks Sev, I could never be really mad at you either."

I was so wrapped up in my happiness of having my best friend back, that I didn't expect it. Before I could even compose a response, Lily threw her arms around me in her familiar warm embrace and again, I felt face flush red. After 3 years, I still hadn't mastered the art of not looking like a tomato every time she touched me or said something in my praise. I simply put my arms around her, hugging her close to me, until she reluctantly retreated to her own common room.

We had made it past a test in our friendship. It was the first time our difference beliefs in good and evil got in the way of our friendship, but it wouldn't be the last. Maybe if we had listened to fate and hadn't forgiven each other, then maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much. But who was I kidding. I thought about Lily Evans every minute of every day. That was just one feeling that wouldn't go away over space or time itself…

**~Thanks for reading! Leave some lovely comments please! x~**


	9. Vulnerability

**Note: So I haven't updated in weeks. I've been busy working, finishing summer school work, and vacationing, but I'm back now. Hopefully! Anways this chapter was going to be paired with the next one, but this part came out much longer than I expected so I decided it needed to be split. **

**Anywho, this probably isn't one of the most exciting chapters. It's basis is really just to develop Snape more and show how much he knew about the dark arts at a young age and also to show how some of his adult self starts to come out. Also, this chapter deals with dueling and I know, how coincidental it's in his second year just like Harry's. Well, the aspect of dueling is kind of essential to developing his character more and his skill at the dark arts, and since I already have much of his story planned out, second year was the only place it would really fit, but it will probably pop up more in future years as well as the next chapter :) Thanks for reading! Enjoy! x**

**~8~**

All of the Gryffindor and Slytherin second years scuttled anxiously down the hall to the staff room, trailing behind Professor Hickabee. The man himself strutted down the hall, holding his wand up and puffing out his chest in a way that reminded me a little of Potter, although, he was nowhere near as much of a boastful git as Potter was.

The day had finally come. Ever since the first day of Defense Against the Dark Arts with Professor Hickabee, all the second years were enlightened and quite hopeful by his promise of teaching us all how to duel. By the beginning of November, he had made good on his promise.

We continued marching to the step of Professor Hickabee, me straggling along at the end with Mulciber and Avery who made jeers at all the measly looking Gryffindors who wouldn't be hard to defeat in a duel. I was especially excited to see the look on James Potter's face when I whipped the cocky little arse himself.

We came to an abrupt halt at the end of the hall in front of a wooden door. Hickabee unlocked the door with a wave of his wand and then stood back to allow us to enter through before him. The staff room was larger in length than our classroom, but not in width. The elongated room was completely empty except for several pieces of ancient looking couches and furniture that were pushed to the far walls to make room for a large stage in the middle. The platform ran the length of the room and stood about 3 feet off the floor.

As we all stood gaping at the staff room and the platform in the middle, Hickabee came pushing through before bounding onto the platform to stare down at our expressions of wonder. He frowned down at all of our looks of awe.

"Well, come on, gather round, gather round," he said impatiently, waving his hand around the stage. Our feet scraped the wooden floor as we slowly walked closer to the stage to gather around on the side where Hickabee stood. "Now," he started clearing his throat, "I'm going to be teaching you all how to duel properly. Professor Dumbledore generously lent me the staffroom so there would be plenty of space." He marched across the platform with his hands on hips, nodding his head every few words. "I'm quite surprised there hasn't been a dueling club in nearly 5 years in this school," he continued, "In my days, it was always a tradition of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to continue the Dueling Club, and as such, I will be continuing this tradition by teaching it to you all in the classroom. This will therefore make the Dueling Club mandatory because in my opinion, dueling is a very important skill all wizards should learn. Many spells and hexes are associated with it that our important to know. We all need to learn how to defend ourselves in case trouble and danger should arise and dueling will come in handy. A perfect example is of our own headmaster Dumbledore defeating one of, if not the, greatest Dark wizard of all time in a duel. Who knows, maybe one day there will be another powerful dark wizard that will threaten our world more than any before."

Mulciber and Avery seemed to snicker at his last words and I turned to give them questioningly looks. Did they know of some great dark wizard coming to power or were they themselves planning on becoming great dark wizards?

Hickabee's words brought me out of my thoughts of Mulciber and Avery and their possible malicious plans. "So, as being a known champion dueler to the wizarding world and defeating one of Grindewald's most supportive followers almost ten years ago, it has become my duty to teach you all the art of proper dueling and defensive spells to rid of your enemies."

I gazed around at everyone's expressions. They were all identical. Apprehension and doubt was written all over their faces. In class, we had never learned any defensive spells that would be useful in defeating enemies, and the thought of having to use them one day was scary to everyone. Hickabee seemed to catch on to our train of thoughts and tried smiling encouragingly, but instead, it faltered and turned into an exasperated frown.

With a sigh, he began: "Now, I will demonstrate one of the most important spells for dueling and the one that we will be using today." After a pause to look at our blank faces, he said, "I will be showing you the disarming charm. It is one of the most basic dueling hexes and one of the most useful. Performed correctly, it will simply disarm your opponent, causing their wand to fly up into the air and land feet away."

I felt my own stomach unclench as a memory of the words _Expelliarmus_ glaring up at me from a page in one of my summer reading books swam into my head. I had never practiced this hex myself, as unable to do magic during the summer, but I had the incantation and the proper swishing of the wrist down.

"I need a volunteer please to help me demonstrate this hex," Hickabee continued, glancing around at everyone's worried faces. I felt everyone around me take a half step back. I was the only who seemed to still be calm. "Now come on," Hickabee called, "There's nothing to be worried about." When no one answered his pleas, he yelled frustrated, "Fine. Then I will pick someone myself. Ah, let's see, yes, how about you, Mr. Snape."

I felt my face go beat read as I heard my name called. Sure, I knew what I was doing but I wasn't ready to demonstrate it in front of the whole class. I hesitated for a moment before dragging my feet up to the stage. I caught Potter and Black's smug smiles on my way up, and when I tripped going up the stairs, it was all the excuse they needed to let out their hyena cackles.

I felt my face and body on fire once I was up on the stage, my wand practically slipping through my sweaty hand. I refused to look down on my classmates, instead, staring directly at the midnight blue rug that was covering the stage.

"Alright, Mr. Snape, go stand on the other side of the stage please." I did as Hickabee told me and walked slowly to the other side, concentrating hard on not tripping so I wouldn't embarrass myself again.

Once there, I turned around to face Hickabee and his encouraging face, although it had no effect on me. "Hold your wand up please, Mr. Snape." I did as I was told, not comfortable at all with the vulnerable position I was in. I felt the same feeling echo through me that I felt whenever my father or Potter and his gang were picking on me; the helpless feeling of not being able to defend or protect myself. Even though I knew it was a simple demonstration, I still didn't like the advantage Hickabee had over me.

I was vaguely aware of his instructions to the rest of the class about the proper swish and twist of the wrist and incantation. Instead, I focused on whether or not I would be able to block Hickabee and get away with the shield charm.

I lifted my face back up to Hickabee leering, "This won't hurt a bit." I watched as he lifted his arm up, pointing his wand at me. I didn't like the feeling of a deer in headlights, ready to meet your doom and not being able to do anything about it. I decided it was no longer an option. I needed to defend myself. He had only said "Expelli—", before I shouted, "Protego!", pointing my wand in his direction. I felt my wand vibrate in my hand as the strength of my hex burst through my wand and hit the unsuspecting Hickabee with a loud thud.

I watched as a look of shock crossed Hickabee's face, his wand flung out of his hand and his whole body flying backwards and landing on the stage flat on his back. Relief and pride washed through me until I saw all of my classmates' horror struck faces and reality began to sink in. I had just performed a charm we weren't expected to learn yet on a teacher during his innocent demonstration. Everyone was going to think I was completely mental.

I slowly lowered my wand, bringing my head down to the floor, trying to avoid the sharp gazes penetrating through me. I heard the groans of Professor Hickabee struggling to stand up on the other end of the stage. I heard him draw a sharp intake of breath before he said angrily, "Well, Mr. Snape, thank you for demonstrating the art of the shield charm. Unfortunately," he spat, "That was not what I asked for and as such, I have no choice but to give you detentions for the rest of the week with me and take 15 points from Slytherin." I heard protests escape the mouths of an angry Mulciber and Avery. "Silence!" Hickabee shouted. When they quieted, he turned his snarling face back on me. "I would also like you to submit to my questions of where you learned that charm during your detentions. It was not intended for second years to perform, but yet, you did and quite powerfully. Now, if you will please exit the stage Mr. Snape. I think we had enough of your demonstrations for one day."

My head continued to hang low in humiliation as I slumped off the stage. I didn't dare look at all of my classmates' dumbfounded looks, especially the one of disbelief coming from Lily. When I brought my eyes to look at her, she simply turned her face away, shaking her head.

I sat in the back for the remainder of the class, not talking or looking at anyone else. No one made a move to talk to me either, except for the congratulatory remarks from Mulciber and Avery that I didn't feel I deserved. Hickabee spent the rest of the class showing everyone how to perform _Expelliarmus_, letting everyone practice on partners; however, I wasn't allowed to participate in this activity.

At the end of class, I practically ran to the door to escape everyone, but with my luck, Potter and Black beat me to it. And I thought my day couldn't get any worse.

"Hey, maybe this will be what will get rid of ol' Snivelley for good!" taunted Sirius as he blocked the door, my only escape from this torment. My body was starting to shake with rage. I had had enough humiliation for one day and I would be a fool to let Potter and Black be the cause of more.

"Yeah, I doubt the headmaster will want a student here who knows how to blow up the teachers!" jeered Potter. They were pushing my last nerves and my patience was crumbling.

"I didn't blow him up!" I shouted, feeling my temple throb on my forehead with anger. For once, I actually found my voice when dealing with Potter and Black.

"Careful there Sniv, we wouldn't want you knocking any more people out today," teased Sirius.

"Leave me alone," I said through gritted teeth. I felt all the bricks holding my control together inside breaking down one by one.

"Or what," scoffed Potter, "You gonna take out your wand and throw another one of your dark spells on us. We all see you read those dark magic books. We all know you know a lot of dark magic." For once, the smiles was gone off their faces and, in replace, were two expressions of disgust, almost daring me to take out my wand and duel both of them at once.

"Well, maybe it _is_ just about time I show you all what I've learned," I spat. My voice was so unlike anything I've heard come out of my mouth before. It didn't shake or show my fears. Instead, it was clear, harsh, and almost a malicious taunt, my lips drawn into nothing but a sneer identical to the one my father so often gave me.

"Is that a threat, Snivellus?" said Potter, walking closer to me until he was right in my face, his brown eyes glaring down on me through his glasses.

In a flash, my wand was out and pressed against Potter's chest, as I was filtering through my head which hex to use on poor Mr. Potter. I was just about to shout, _Furnunculus_, wanting nothing more than to see boils sprout all over his flesh, when I felt my wand arm being tugged by a flash of red.

I looked over my right shoulder, my face still snarling with anger. The expression took Lily aback, a sharp intake of breath drawing inside her mouth, as she looked on me with pleading eyes. I felt my face soften immediately and my thoughts of Potter vanish along with my anger. All of my feelings were directed to Lily and the humiliation that started to swarm through me at the idea of what she thought of my recent display, with both Potter and Hickabee.

Her pleading eyes continued to pierce through me as she whispered, "Stop." There was no harshness or scolding in her tone, just the soft, gentleness that made my insides warm.

I had no choice but to step away from the confrontation, her voice bringing me back down to reality and out of my rage. I hung my head low, humiliation and guilt continuing to swim through me, my face flushing scarlet. I took as many steps as I could back, noticing my classmates looks all around me. It had just occurred to me that all had been watching the whole thing.

"Knew you didn't have it in you, Snivellus," Potter growled, his face still etched in fury, before leaving with Black and Pettigrew on his tail.

I watched their retreating figures with hatred at myself for what they did to me, how they tormented my insides, made me become a cruel person I didn't recognize. I was vaguely aware at Hickabee's calls for all of us to keep moving as everyone filed out of the classroom.

I looked around for Lily, noticing she was just about to leave with the rest of class. "I figured you didn't need any more trouble for yourself," she whispered softly. She seemed to answer my questioning gaze. Why had she stopped me from going farther with Potter? Why had stopped me from hexing the living daylights out of him?

Unable to say anything or even crack a smile, I hoped my thankful eyes did justice. She shrugged her shoulders in return as she walked through the door, leaving me alone with my guilt and humiliation.

**~Thanks for reading! Reviews are always welcome ;) x~**


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